Update

I have been writing a lot lately. Trying to figure a lot out, not sure where that has gotten me. I feel like at the end of this month I will see things more clearly and, have a direction. I don't know why I feel so strongly about this but I do. I am not sure what my vision for myself will be at the end of this month but, I feel I will have one. I guess only time will tell, I hope I am right though. I can not make progress towards anything unless I feel like it is the absolute right path at the right time. I am sure I will change my mind but, I have to have that confidence in order to actually have a chance at success. Most people don't understand. I really couldn't care less anymore if people understand. I know what is right for me, they can talk shit all they want. I am not someone who gets pressured into doing things, not bad things and, not things that people "think" are good things to help me. Nope, sorry, I will let you know what is "good" for me. I am the only one who really knows me, after all. I will prove one day that I am right, as for now, I will just keep searching, as it becomes a little clearer everyday.

Also, I have always stated that I trust no one and, that statement has never been more true. Sarah, is no longer in my life, at all. I don't want her in my life. She needs to grow up. She lies to me, her boyfriend, her family. I could say so much more but, I won't. She is going down the wrong road, I have been there for her for the last 9 years and, 9 years might have been a few years too many. She obviously only cares about herself. Everyone has a choice in the life they live, her acting like her only choice is to be treated like shit everyday by someone who makes her physically ill, not an excuse anymore. I have stood up for her for months. I don't know one person who "really" knows the situation, that has one good thing to say about her. My own family who has loved her like a daughter for the last 9 years can't stand her anymore. Last time we didn't talk for about 2 weeks and she said how unhappy she was and, how she missed me, she needed me in her life. I think that was all bullshit. I know what she says about her boyfriend behind his back and the fact that she always ALWAYS kisses his ass and I never even talk to her, I can only imagine what she says about me. Not that I really care anymore. I will always love her but, unless she is single I will have NOTHING to do with her. I need people I can count on in my life. I thought I could always count on her, I guess that is where I messed up. I don't give second chances much, third ones very rarely and, she is at chance 30 by now. Back to trusting no one.